The 69 position has held its place as a celebrated act of intimacy, giving couples an avenue for mutual gratification through concurrent oral pleasure. When both partners give and receive simultaneously, it serves to heighten the connection and intensity of the experience. While a lot of people might engage in 69 and consider it as foreplay, or as the thing they do before the 'main event' it can be the main event for many people.
Need a little bit of inspiration before you dive in? Here’s why 69 is such an amazing position, why some people still experience issues related to it —plus, some fun variations and tips for making it as sexy as possible.
Summary
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Advantages Of 69
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Common Issues During 69
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How To Master The Position
Advantages of 69
69 is more than just a sexual position; it is an intimate adventure where pleasure and self-giving meet. This position promotes deep intimacy, allowing partners to focus fully on each other's sensations and reactions. It offers a unique opportunity to discover the tastes, smells and textures of your partner, thus strengthening the emotional and physical connection. The 69 also provides fertile ground for creativity and experimentation; Partners can explore different oral techniques, adjust their position for increased comfort, or incorporate sex toys to enrich the experience. This position is ideal for breaking the routine and introducing excitement and novelty into sex life.
Common Issues During 69
Although the 69 is inherently attractive, it can present some challenges. Some of the most common issues with the position are listed below. In the next section, we have listed sex expert backed tips and tricks on how to fix these issues and how to make 69 even hotter!
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Concentration and distraction : One of the biggest challenges of 69 is the need to simultaneously concentrate on giving and receiving pleasure. This can be distracting for some, making it difficult to fully concentrate on their own or their partner's pleasure.
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Physical Comfort: Some individuals may find this position physically tiring. If held for too long, it can cause tightness or discomfort in the neck, back, or legs.
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Coordination Difficulties: This position requires a certain level of coordination between partners. Significant differences in body size can make it feel awkward or reduce comfort and enjoyment.
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Breathing Issues: With both partners positioned so closely, some people might find it a bit tricky to breathe easily—especially if one partner is more physically active during the position.
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Lack of Eye Contact: Although the 69 position is physically intimate, it doesn’t provide much chance for eye contact, which some people consider an important part of feeling connected.
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Hygiene: Hygiene considerations can be a drawback, particularly when the position is adopted spontaneously. Some individuals may feel uneasy about the close contact between the face and genitals without prior preparation.
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Difficulty Reaching Orgasms: For some individuals, simultaneous stimulation can make orgasm more difficult to achieve, as their attention may shift more toward their partner’s experience than their own sensations.
Tips for mastering the 69 position:
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Communicate And Read Nonverbal Cues:
Each person may have different requirements, needs and comfort levels, so no matter how many times you’ve done 69 in the past, it’s important to communicate with your current partner. By having an open dialogue, you can enhance pleasure and discuss any changes or new things either of you want to try. If either partner feels uncomfortable or not enjoying the experience, communicate and stop. During sex, you should also pay attention to your partner's nonverbal cues. This may include body movements, sounds or changes in breathing, indicating what they enjoy or what they find uncomfortable.
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Practice Good Hygiene:
Practicing good hygiene starts with your surroundings. Since oral sex often gets wet and wild, consider placing a waterproof Love Blanket under you and your partner. It protects your bed and mattress from all liquids and stains, so you can make a mess without worrying about sleeping in a wet spot later on! In addition, you should show consideration for your partner by taking a shower or a bath before your partner goes down on you. Freshening up can even be a type of foreplay!
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Switch Up Positions:
In the classic 69, the woman is usually on top, but this isn’t the only option. You can switch who’s on top to see what feels best, or try different angles. In the sideways 69, both partners lie on their sides, which can reduce neck and back strain. The standing 69 is more adventurous—one partner lifts the other—so it requires strength and isn’t beginner-friendly. The inverted 69 is even more demanding, involving a handstand or headstand and therefore not suitable for everyone. You can also take turns; one person can take charge for a bit while the other one takes a break to fully enjoy receiving oral, and then you’ll switch roles. Since orgasms can sometimes require both focus and relaxation, a little break may help you to reach the climax. Whatever variation you explore, make sure to communicate with your partner about what feels comfortable and enjoyable.
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Protect Your Neck:
Maybe not the sexiest aspect of 69, but still important is the issue of neck strain. To alleviate potential neck strain try using sex pillows (also known as sex wedges or sex cushions), or other positioning tools to help you get the angle just right. Try placing a pillow under the hips of the partner on the bottom, or under the neck of the partner on the bottom to help with neck support and positioning. It might not sound sexy, but the experience becomes more enjoyable and less taxing for both partners when you aren’t distracted by neck aches.
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Sexperiment:
While there are some tried and true techniques, our preferences change with time, context, and circumstance, so don't be afraid to experiment and try different techniques. You can go for soft kisses, gentle licks, or even more intense suction techniques on your partner. Use broad strokes or feather-light flickers on their most sensitive areas, and alternate with focused attention. Pay attention to your partner's reactions and ask what they enjoy.
While the genitals are the main focus of 69, don't forget to kiss, nibble, and caress other erogenous areas like the neck, earlobes, or inner thighs for an extra level of closeness and excitement. Analingus, or rimming, can be a delightful addition to 69, as well as perineum stimulation on both men and women, and even a finger in the anus. It’s important to discuss comfort levels ahead of time and not surprise your partner with a finger in the butt.
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Address The Height/Size Difference:
What happens if you have a huge height difference or body type? Surely that makes it harder to do? That's pretty common, so do not stress — it's still possible, you just have to experiment with what works for you. It can feel a bit clunky getting into the right position, but that's okay - sometimes sex is a bit clunky! For couples with a significant size difference, the larger partner may find more comfort being on the bottom or lying in the sideways 69 position, and the smaller partner may find equal comfort in being on top or lying sideways as well. In case of a big height difference, consider the following variation: the taller partner lies on their back, with their knees bent and a slight crook in their upper back so their body is curved (C-shape). The shorter partner can then climb on top, facing away.
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Add More Stimulation:
69 is all about mutual oral but that doesn't mean you can't bring in some help while you're down there. We recommend using your hands to stimulate your partner’s butt, legs, or stomach to build up more arousal. Using accessories such as vibrators, sex swings, feather dusters, or anal toys can add an extra dimension to the pleasure felt in the 69. For example, using a vibrator to stimulate the clitoris or perineum while performing oral sex can intensify sensations and potentially lead to more powerful and satisfying orgasms.
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Make Pleasure The Point
As is the case with any sex position, it's important to remember that achieving an orgasm isn’t the sole purpose for trying 69. And that holds true even when you're aiming to make it hotter and sexier than it already is. That means you can still have a so-called "successful" experience even if none of you climaxes. Take it easy and focus on the sensuality and intimacy of the position.
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What If You Still Don't Enjoy It?
No problem! You might give these tips a go and fall in love with the position even more, or realise it's too much work and not for you. Either way, at least you'll finally know what all the hype is about! If mutual oral sex isn’t working for you and your partner, we suggest trying another oral sex position. For example: Standing kneeling oral, which requires that the receiver stand while the giver kneels in front of (or behind!) them. Or face sitting (aka squatting oral), which requires that the giver lay on their back, while the receiver kneels or squats over their mouth. If you enjoy the intimacy of the position but find the act uncomfortable or difficult (or your mouths are tired), consider mutual masturbation in the position! After all, we are all unique and no sex position works for every pleasure seeker!